also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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