I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
