Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
