We got so high we made milksteak
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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