Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
