Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
