she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What a dumb baby whore.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
