I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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