be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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