Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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