I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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