no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
