i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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