He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
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Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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