Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
