i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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