there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
