Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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