Can i not drive my cunt home
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
