When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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