i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
