i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
