his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
