I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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