and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
