I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
