Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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