I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
