He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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