I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
