Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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