Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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