I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
