My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
