the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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