I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
