I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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