he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think I sprained my soul last night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
