btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
