I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
