I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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