My nipple is on Facebook.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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