I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
