Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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