Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
