I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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