I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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