she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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