I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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