he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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