The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
