I'm jealous of your bromance
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
