You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
