Is it normal to miss your booty call?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
