My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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