I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
