He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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