God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
