Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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