I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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