She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
