so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
